Mercy

"Who has given me anything that I need to give back..."
Job 41:11a

Occasionally, I have this tendency. Maybe (hopefully, cause I'd hate to be the only one) you do too. It's called, getting the idea in my head that God owes me something. As if attempting (and that's putting it politely) to be "good" and live in His will somehow entitles me to things. Things that I get all uppity about when I don't get them. Like when life's just the teensy-est bit hard or when things aren't perfect and I launch straight into "Are you kidding me?!? C'mon!"

Please don't stop reading because I sound like a horrible person right now. It's just my flesh, I know better, I promise.

And it's not always. It's just the sort of thing that creeps in before you realize it's there in the first place.

Anyway, I was reading through Job, and if you can make it through Job's whining and his friends' preaching, it starts getting pretty freakin' awesome. Because God shows up and lets loose. And the verse from above hit my poor little human heart, and I might have audibly gasped a little at it's implications.

Because do you realize how preposterous it is to even begin to feel entitled when it comes to God? Like He owes me something? When it's actually the other way around and I owe Him absolutely everything, except that nothing I have to give even comes close to being anything He's worth? Yeah. Let that sink in for a second.

But that's not even the best part.

The best part is that He gives me a bunch of the stuff I feel "entitled" to all the time, even though He's completely aware that I'm being such a big misguided baby about it. And, and, He doesn't give me what I actually deserve, which (in case you were wondering) is a kick in the pants followed by an eternity without Him. That, my friends, is mercy.

Case in point:

My camera's been missing. And I know it's "just a camera" and there are actual tragedies occurring at this very moment, but I've basically been a basket case about it, because it's not the sort of thing you just "lose" and it's certainly not the kind of thing you just replace on a moment's notice, and I couldn't even begin to think of where else to look, and the holidays are coming up, and I'm going to have Baby, etc, etc, etc

So after a an emotional conversation about all the above, this is what followed...

Me: (To God) I know You don't owe me anything, and it's just a camera, and You've obviously got bigger things to do, but I'm feeling absolutely defeated about this, and -

Husband: Are you sure you checked under the cushions of the chair?

Me: (To Husband, as I begin digging in the chair for the millionth time) Yes, I took all the cushions off, and dug all around, and - wait - there's a divot under here!

And out came the camera I hadn't even finished praying about finding.

That's just showing off.

And some of you may be thinking "It's just a camera" and yeah, maybe it is just a camera, and not finding it wouldn't have been the end of the world. I'd still be happy and healthy and pregnant and blessed, BUT that's why, for this little pregnant lady in that moment of (albeit superficial) desperation, it is mercy.

Over the top, undeserved, mercy.

Is God awesome, or what?

If you're unsure, check out the book of Job, starting around chapter 38 :)