Mercy

"Who has given me anything that I need to give back..."
Job 41:11a

Occasionally, I have this tendency. Maybe (hopefully, cause I'd hate to be the only one) you do too. It's called, getting the idea in my head that God owes me something. As if attempting (and that's putting it politely) to be "good" and live in His will somehow entitles me to things. Things that I get all uppity about when I don't get them. Like when life's just the teensy-est bit hard or when things aren't perfect and I launch straight into "Are you kidding me?!? C'mon!"

Please don't stop reading because I sound like a horrible person right now. It's just my flesh, I know better, I promise.

And it's not always. It's just the sort of thing that creeps in before you realize it's there in the first place.

Anyway, I was reading through Job, and if you can make it through Job's whining and his friends' preaching, it starts getting pretty freakin' awesome. Because God shows up and lets loose. And the verse from above hit my poor little human heart, and I might have audibly gasped a little at it's implications.

Because do you realize how preposterous it is to even begin to feel entitled when it comes to God? Like He owes me something? When it's actually the other way around and I owe Him absolutely everything, except that nothing I have to give even comes close to being anything He's worth? Yeah. Let that sink in for a second.

But that's not even the best part.

The best part is that He gives me a bunch of the stuff I feel "entitled" to all the time, even though He's completely aware that I'm being such a big misguided baby about it. And, and, He doesn't give me what I actually deserve, which (in case you were wondering) is a kick in the pants followed by an eternity without Him. That, my friends, is mercy.

Case in point:

My camera's been missing. And I know it's "just a camera" and there are actual tragedies occurring at this very moment, but I've basically been a basket case about it, because it's not the sort of thing you just "lose" and it's certainly not the kind of thing you just replace on a moment's notice, and I couldn't even begin to think of where else to look, and the holidays are coming up, and I'm going to have Baby, etc, etc, etc

So after a an emotional conversation about all the above, this is what followed...

Me: (To God) I know You don't owe me anything, and it's just a camera, and You've obviously got bigger things to do, but I'm feeling absolutely defeated about this, and -

Husband: Are you sure you checked under the cushions of the chair?

Me: (To Husband, as I begin digging in the chair for the millionth time) Yes, I took all the cushions off, and dug all around, and - wait - there's a divot under here!

And out came the camera I hadn't even finished praying about finding.

That's just showing off.

And some of you may be thinking "It's just a camera" and yeah, maybe it is just a camera, and not finding it wouldn't have been the end of the world. I'd still be happy and healthy and pregnant and blessed, BUT that's why, for this little pregnant lady in that moment of (albeit superficial) desperation, it is mercy.

Over the top, undeserved, mercy.

Is God awesome, or what?

If you're unsure, check out the book of Job, starting around chapter 38 :)

Coffee and a Confession

Hey strangers! It's me. I know you may not remember me because, as I so often tend to do, I completely abandoned this poor little blog for awhile.

If we were really having coffee this morning, I would start by letting you share your heart because, when it gets to be my turn, I have a little confession to make. I would use the golden opportunity of some girl time to talk to you about my little blog here. I could give you a bunch of excuses as to why I haven't been around - especially in one of my favorite seasons to blog. I could say that it's because I'm growing a person and I simply don't have time for such things (untrue - not the person growing part, the other part -it's really not that time-consuming). I could say I just haven't had anything to say (also untrue, I have been cooking up a storm, and I freakin' love Fall!). I could say I just haven't felt like it (again, also untrue, I've been missing you guys).

No, the real reason I haven't been around is....I lost my camera. Yep. Because you can't write one of those "cool" blogs that people want to read unless you post "cool" photos with every post. I mean come on, everybody knows that. Hip blogger 101. Pretty silly, huh? But that's actually what's been swarming around in my mind. (Okay, this is the part where I play my pregnancy card to excuse myself for not firing on cylinders both mentally and emotionally, did it work?) So I guess you could more accurately say that I haven't been blogging because I've lost my focus.

About a kajillion of the bloggers I admire most attended Blog Sugar a few months back (of which, I am insanely jealous because, let's face it, I live on the other side of the country so that was totally not happening). A bunch of them came back and started blogging about purpose. How we all begin our blogs with one, whether we realize it or not, and how it can evolve over time, and how easy it is to lose sight of it. As embarrassing as it is to admit that I'm one of those people, somewhere along the way of collecting comments and counting followers, and throwing myself into every linky party I could find, and reading pots on "how to get your blog noticed," I couldn't even remember why I started blogging in the first place. Because, let's face it, I don't think any of us start our blogs with those things in mind. Heck, we're not even sure what most of those things are when we sign up for our very own blogger account. But we learn, and oh boy do we learn quick. (The English major in me wants to correct that to "quickly" but it doesn't pack quite as much punch. Just wanted you to know that I know it's not exactly correct)

And so, here I am. Photo-less and transparent. Because I really want to come back. I want to blog again. Do you know why I started this blog? Because I remember now. I started this blog because I wanted to be a better person. A better Wife, a better housekeeper, a better cook. A better enjoyer-of the little things in life. A person who lived in daily gratitude for my sweet house and my sweet husband, and for baking sweet things. And I wanted to help other people be those things too. I wanted to create a place where we could share that journey together, whether any of us succeeded in being June Cleaver or not. And if God wanted to occasionally use those things, all the better.

So here we go again, if you'd like to join me, I would love to have you! Because life is too short to do it alone and to do it without enjoying it. Where's the fun in that?

Hello little blog, welcome to the first day of the rest of your life...

P.S. Just to be clear, I'm not beginning to say that pictures, linky parties, etc are wrong - AT ALL! I'm merely speaking about MY intent. And I totally plan on utilizing both...as soon as I find that darned camera........I knew you'd understand :)

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